Trust is not spelled M-Y---W-A-Y.
It is not spelled N-O-W.
Neither is it spelled P-L-A-N---E-V-E-R-Y-T-H-I-N-G.
Upon embarking on a year without a "plan," many people have asked me how I was going to manage financially. I told them that I had saved, that I am working, and that I will be trusting. Now this was not a blind-leap-of-faith trusting, (which God asks of us sometimes) but a prudent, follow-God's-lead-and-be-a-good-steward kind of trust.
I crunched numbers and looked at possibilities and prayed and decided to go for it.
But as a worrier, I also played the worst case scenario game.
- What if expenses that I had planned on go up?
- What if adding independent insurance coverage will cost more than I think?
- What if something I "need," like my trusty laptop, dies?
- And heaven forbid, what if something catastrophic happens, like my car breaks down beyond repair? (please hear some sarcasm in this statement...)
But, my laptop breathed its last.
And then my landlords raised my rent.
Independent insurance sucks.
And last week, I blew the transmission in my car.
As I sat stranded at a busy intersection in a car that would do nothing but roll, I rested my head on my steering wheel and decided that I had a few options.
1. Cry. I decided against this in case the tow truck driver ended up being cute and single.
2. Get out of my car and kick the piece of junk really hard. I decided against this because I might break my toe or scuff my cowboy boots, both of which would cost me money.
3. Hang out my window and curse and scream at all of the too-fast-drivers who were honking at my precarious location on the side of the road. I decided against this because it wouldn't be very lady-like.
So, I left my head on my steering wheel and prayed. The expense of a new car was not in my plan, but doubting God's providence at this point was not going to do me any good. So I prayed, and calmed down, and while I waited for the tow truck, I picked up the baby blanket that I am crocheting which was sitting in a bag in the passenger seat. For me, crocheting is very relaxing, and a great chance to focus and pray, stitch by stitch. Usually I pray for the recipient of the crocheted item, but this time that was mixed in with some pleas for trust and forgiveness for my anger and doubt. (BTW, I wish I had pictures of some of the looks that I got from passersby--- car, parked on side of road, busy intersection, flashers on, girl...crocheting. I just wanted to yell after them- "Haven't you ever just needed a little craft break?" But I didn't)
So I am trusting. Because if I know anything, I know that God is faithful, and He will provide. (Can I hear that again? God is faithful and He will provide!) I need to stop playing the what-if game, and really truly count and be thankful for my blessings. I need to completely and utterly throw myself into trusting God and His merciful plan.
Trust is spelled L-I-S-T-E-N.
Trust is spelled H-I-S---T-I-M-E.
Trust is spelled T-H-Y---W-I-L-L.